Friday, March 26, 2010

A Absurd Take on Twilight

I was originally going to include this in my last post but figured it warranted its own posting. A few weeks ago I was in Boston for a conference and was killing time by visiting the Harvard book store (side note: I felt incredibly out of place, like everyone there knew that I didn’t go to Harvard which I doubt). So, I picked up Nightlight to read which is written by the staff of the Harvard Lampoon. The book is a parody of the book Twilight (which second aside: this is something that always bothered me. Why is Twilight considered a saga and Harry Potter which is way more epic is just a series? What makes a saga? I must research this further). I didn’t finish it then but I did finish it today while killing time at Borders.
It is absolutely absurd. Now I’m not a die-hard Twilight fan, I’ve read the books and seen the movies (finally saw New Moon thanks to Netflix) but this is just a ridiculous parody. The story is about Belle Goose, the teenage heroine who moves from Pheonix to the tiny town of Switchblade, Oregon to live with her father who is the only window-washer in the whole town (already absurd). She goes to school expecting to be a big hot shot and acts like the most self-absorbed person in the history of the world. She meets a boy, named Edwart Mullen, who is the dreamiest person she has ever laid eyes on whom she is convinced is a vampire because he’s pale, has bags under his eyes, doesn’t like blood, and won’t date. Plus she thinks he saves her life when he jumps in front of a snowball destined for her (that part was actually pretty funny but she was ridiculous about it). She finally wears him down and he takes her hiking to see his freak robot that can only stand up and fall back down (that will be important later on). She tries to get him to carry her out of the woods because he is so fast and strong but he can’t do it he is barely breathing by the time he finishes the five foot walk. She also meets his family including his plastic surgeon father who admits to doing illegal surgeries on his family. Yet she relentlessly insists he is a vampire (is that some sort of commentary on teenage girls today?) and not just the weird nerd he really is, and keeps hoping he will turn her into one of him. She insists on them walking her home through the cemetery, which he is terrified of, because it is the perfect setting for her transformation. He makes her stop and they sit down on this grave and it opens up to reveal an actual vampire, Josh the Leather King, who was also in her class but she ignored for her fake vampire boyfriend. Belle isn’t worried because she thinks Edwart will save them because he is a vampire, but he sits her down and assures her that he is not and then runs away. Belle however now falls in love with the actual vampire who thirty seconds ago wanted to eat her but now wants to take her to the vampire prom. They go, and due to her terrible dancing and a dress mishap the vampires decide they want to eat her. I won’t spoil the ending (the robot saves the day) but I assure you it’s just as absurd as the beginning.
Now don’t get me wrong it was funny, I did laugh out loud at multiple parts, but I felt like they were trying too hard and forcing the comedy. They took terrible writing and made it worse, they took barely likeable characters and made them unlikeable (except Edwart was way more likeable than Edward Cullen), and took the already confusing musing of a lovesick teenager and made it even more muddled and weird. It was a funny storyline at first but as it went on I enjoyed it less and less. It is worth a quick read if you got time to kill in a bookstore but not worth the $15 you would have to pay for it.

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